My Nightmare, Your Experience
Growing up in an African home where words like “I love you” from parents to children will never be heard, but shown in “Always be a good child. Do not follow bad friends. This is your school fee,” and the likes. One will think little things don’t matter and grow up with the mindset of not speaking and not showing efforts. We grow to learn that broken hearts are sometimes scars that won’t leave, and other times, memories live as long as one can’t find a replacement yet. This is a thing I learnt after I took true love for granted, thinking my ex-girlfriend was too attached to ever leave.
My ex-girlfriend and I shared a kind of mutual feeling that can’t be explained. With our tribal names sounding the same, I don’t need to tell how many times people wondered if our relationship was planned. She was an epitome of beauty. Her smile was a soothing balm for my heart. She was comforter of my grief. We were a perfect pair in love. She was light and I was a path, with us, love had an amazing path to walk on.
Till I stopped doing the things I did that caught her attention. She wasn’t perfect but was always willing to apologize and learn. I wasn’t perfect but always felt I am the man. “I love you so much that I will one day leave you to find yourself if you don’t change,” she said to me one night. Who cares? I thought. Sometimes in early February 2017, she didn’t call or text for a week. I didn’t bother to call either as it was her job to do. Same happened the second week, so I decided to ask on February 14th, what was wrong. I guess I don’t need to speak of the valentine gift I got.
A hundred poems was written, a thousand apologies sent, a million promises and assurance that I am changed, fell on deaf ears. Who said tears are expensive when the heart is broken? I cried, I was shattered, I tried finding love again but there was nothing to gain. I had sleepless nights, stared at her pictures under the moonlight, made friends with her friends to beg their friend to stop being my friend alone, but my lover, still, she said NO. I swore to never love again.
As a kid, I always wondered why people cried in movies when their hearts were broken and swore to never be one. Adulthood comes with a gift of learning the hard way. How can you just claim to forget someone whom you shared beautiful memories with? I asked her one night, after another session of pleas that fell on deaf ears. “Send me a picture of both us together that you have. “ I never thought it mattered to take pictures, I don’t have any.
Little thing matters when it comes to showing love. I learnt that late, I learnt after paying the price of not wanting to listen. Pain is a kind of school that I attended for free. If she ever looks back or I find another, I hope I’ve learnt enough that an ordinary compliment strengthens bond.
Wildkhard [TA]