Who would have thought that my heart would take all this blows and remain intact. Now, I believe that life is not devoid of twist and turns. Lisa packed her bags and left for the city, for greener pastures. Left me behind without a doubt, a stolen past and a faded future. If I could, I would have made her stay but I will never tie any down to my emotions. The plane was not conducive for one with a tendency to break rules, laws and whatever just to stay in the limelight. Lisa was wild and loved to shine, I was willing for a large comfortable space, grow crops, feed on them and sell some at the black market that appeared every weekend close to the stream. I was around 20, mindlessly blowing through the wind. “Life is not difficult after all”, I grew up hearing my Grandfather say that after dinner at sunset. I was going to live an easy life minding my business and not getting into much trouble.
At the flash of her smile, the world changed, I became a different man willing to chase forever with her.
It was a brilliant Sunday morning, I was sitting at my regular welcome desk table, waiting to collect everyone’s personal information for follow up reason. She appeared in her usual straight face without her handbag of a friend. For long a time, I believed she was seeing John, and I didn’t fancy him. “A woman as pretty as you are should always have a smile on her face”, I believed. What thrilled me most was how she walked up-to me, when she heard me say she never smiles; the steps, the attitude and the perfect shiny-white teeth she flashed me, my heart changed and I knew there was more to it.
Follow up was my core responsibility for many months, and I sure loved my job. We got talking after that day – text and calls every time we had the chance to. John was a friend, there was an attraction, he was not cut-out for her. I wasn’t down for too much either, but I was ready for anything that would save from worrying too much about a long distance on different planes.
It all started like a scene in a movie, a romantic movie from the 70’s. I helped her moved out of her hostel, where she was training to be a woman. It was time for freedom, and there I was helping her hold the door like clouds hold rain in dry season, all smiles like I had my own life together. We spent the first night together at her place, it was filled with a first timer awkwardness. We talked almost through the night about everything and anything, it was hard for me to maintain the purity of my heart.
Time has to be one busy person, it didn’t give us a chance to second guess our fates, we saw each other in no time, and remained like that everyday. At long last, there was a full grown sun around me, life was happening, and the euphoria was unmatched. The dreams came in day light while we spent most nights cutting and carving a future for ourselves. We spend evenings walking hand-in-hand till our silhouettes are nowhere to be found. “Life is not difficult after all”, I echoed in her ears every time a window opens.
Soon enough, time had to go, the sun had to go too – I lost my cool, I was going to lose my meaning to life. I wanted to be someone’s only one real bad, she tried and trying was what got me more trouble. She had an affair, and was going to keep it even if I had to apologize over and over again.
I’ve spent my last 6 months wondering what about me makes women lose their mind.