Please remind me to remind myself about reminding myself to send you this reminder that reminds me of reminding you that you don’t have to remind me to remember you. I always do. I hope I don’t need to remind you to do the same too.
Today is a different day. As you can see I am finally writing for the first time in many years. My words convey all my feelings about how happy I am to be writing this to you. I hope I could be remembered for all my reflections and sermons to you.
Remember all my promises!!
Do you remember when I said that if you saw me kneeling down before other girls beside you and mama, that should be our daughter while i’m tying the lace of her shoes? You should remember that I promised to stay with you for life. I know you remember that I said I will make you bask in luxury.
Verily, when I said I’ll make you bask in luxury, I meant it. I know that I am not as awesome as I always say, but if I can convince you that I am, maybe you won’t forget me when I am gone. I surely cannot promise you a life of luxury as I exaggerated earlier, but for a decent life, you can count on me.
People thinks that I am selfish and wicked. The truth is, I am callous. I am a good kind of bad. I will never be good that’s not bad. There is no one I would rather be than me. I don’t care about others perceptions about me as long as you feel otherwise. Neither do I care about how I am remembered. All I care about is our kids having a roof over their heads when I’m done here.
And for those that see me as a bad person, If I could ask for one thing in life, I wouldn’t ask for luxury or gold. I would ask that they have a heart like mine. I would ask for the ability to let them see themselves through me. Only then would they realize what it feels like to be me.
Dearly beloved, as the saying goes ‘family makes a man whole’. As love is about saving vicissitudes, I know that life has a funny way, but I am not complaining or making excuses. I want all of it with you, I mean the whole of it.
Today I am starting all over again. One day at a time. One step, one breath at a time. I am lost without you, but I’ve decided it’s time to find me through you.