Self Portrait With a Gun at the Back of My Head

I, a shadow of all that I could have
become before self-loathe sunk

me beneath chasms and regrets
left me with eyes carrying the color

of molten metal in larva
i cannot remould myself

beyond whatever jar
my inclinations left me in

this is a tale of the man I once was
before my true nature called

to abandon all the world’s ambition
to pursue what was enough for now

who must I be to reject
nature’s call placed through me?

the ordinary life has nothing to offer
but regrets and missed alternatives.

Victor Oyedele