Poetry: God Thyself | Pauline Dafei

I watched a pretty bloom fade into an ass dirt gloom.
I watched a pretty smile fade into an angered trampled lime.
I watched tales of happy endings and I became the villain.
I watched my breath get cut short with a scissors on someone else’s hands.
I watched my soul fade and get tired, till it became a walked over sole.
I watched my spirit believe less in God, in the holy book and took sides with occurrences and chance.
I watched my mind sink into nothingness, now even ordinary can’t harness.
I watched my heart smashed and broken, passed around like the bread of the last supper.
I watched my organ being fed to the lion in time of breakthrough.
I watched my body grow so old, vent in more darkness, darker than dark.
Glowing in darker shades, the light was bigger trouble.
I watched the monster and I become bigger friends.
I starved my soul hoping I’d get filled up by the spirits legion.
I meditated and sprinkled anointing oil for purification.
I watched myself stay clean and I tried appealing the father and the son.
I watched me, the blessing, turn into the biggest curse.
I watched Hercules, and I turned to Krishna.
I watched colours splashing round circles and I became darkness.
I watched the straps of my bra fall off, and I was left bareback.
I watched the vampires in me suck out every last drop of blood until I turned.
I watched my soul hoping, and in return, breeding eternal misery.
I watched my scroll through the thin light left in my soul and it burnt desires to question and ‘know more about thy soul’.
I watched me become an uncensored and disfigured. An undesirable object of mass creation.
I watched the sky turn shades of glorious perfection and I still stayed same.
My light, my darkness, my spirit, my soul, my heart, my body and my mind.
My angel, demons and legion before me.
For I had become god herself.

© Pauline Dafei